Mass Effect: Mako Wash
by BlueSpartan107
Summary: A one-shot requested by Bud89. Some of Shepard's crew thought it was a good idea to wash the mako down in the cargo bay. And nobody listens to Wrex's warning about the dangers of washing a mako. Involves buckets of water, dinner ideas, and Wrex being the only one in the cargo bay with common sense. Part of the Zach Shepard storyline.


Mass Effect: Mako Wash

Normandy Cargo Hold, 17:33 pm

Liara came out of the elevator to meet with Garrus after he had returned from that mission with Shepard and Tali on Terra Nova. Garrus had gone to work on repairing much of the mako after their adventure destroying the defense grid of Asteroid X57 in their attempt to save the planet. After assisting Doctor Chakwas with a few things in the med bay, Liara had wanted to see Garrus to make sure he was all right. The events of Dr. Saleon's cruiser were still fresh both in their minds and on Garrus's back. Garrus didn't seem to complain as he polished the mako's cannon, unaware of Liara approaching the clumsy vehicle.

"How are you doing, Garrus?" Liara asked.

"Just peachy." Garrus commented, jumping off the roof of the vehicle. "She took a hell of a beating in that last fight. You have no idea how many missiles were coming right at us."

"How about your back, Garrus? Is it still sore?"

"Pain just means I'm alive. It's not so bad." Garrus chuckled. "Actually, I've gotten used to it."

"Only you would be too stubborn to take a break." Liara chuckled back. She then looked at the mako. "You know, this thing could use a little something."

"And what's that?"

"A wash." Liara smiled. "This thing is filthy. I bet that some of the ash from Therum is still on the tires."

"Well, it is a war vehicle. It might need a quick wash." Garrus agreed. "But how are we going to wash it?"

"We'll grab some buckets and fill them with soap and water. Then we'll use some rags and sponges to wash the dirt and grime off."

"Where do we get those from?"

Liara went around the mako to the procurement officer. "Excuse me, do you know where we can find some buckets and sponges?"

"I can bring you fellas some from the supplies closet. Just one minute." The procurement officer stepped away and went to get what they needed. That was when Wrex stepped up to them.

"Did I hear you guys right? You're going to wash the mako?"

"Yeah, Wrex." Garrus confirmed. "Why?"

"Seriously?" Wrex grunted. "This is a war vehicle, not a skycar! The dirt and grime gives it character!"

"Yeah, but this is a human ship. And they are a very clean people sometimes."

"That's the Frenchmen on Earth you're thinking of." Wrex barked. "Fine. If you want to make the mako look like a pansy tank, go ahead. I'm staying out of this." Wrex walked back to the side of the ship he was on, getting a strange look from Ashley.

"What's your problem, Wrex?" Ashley asked.

"The turian/asari lovebirds are going to wash the mako." Wrex grumbled.

"So? About time the two of them do something productive for the ship they could call a date." Ashley rubbed her chin. "You know what, I think I'm going to help out."

"Wait, what?! I thought you hated us!"

"No, I just have trust issues when it comes to aliens. Doesn't mean I hate them." Ashley walked up to the two of them, who were now beginning to scrub the hull of the mako. "Need a hand, guys?"

"Sure." Liara said. "Could you focus on the windows on the front of the vehicle?"

"All right." Ashley took a sponge out of the bucket full of soapy water and ringed it of most of the water it held. Then she climbed up onto the nose of the vehicle, reaching for the window. Her arm couldn't reach it, however, so she began to crawl upon the top of the nose to get closer.

"You better be careful when doing that, Ash." Wrex bellowed.

"I know what I'm doing, Wrex." Ashley replied.

"That's not what I meant. There's another reason why I'm not washing that mako."

Garrus turned around. "Yeah. And what reason would that be?"

"How about how people jump the gun while washing the mako?"

"They what?" Liara asked.

"Yeah. Krogans who wash their tomkahs go through the same thing. The males and females start out with a casual wash, which leads to playful splashing and throwing of your rags and sponges, and ends off with jumping the gun."

Garrus shook his head. "Wrex, I can't believe you think that washing the mako is going to lead to everyone having sex with each other on the mako."

"What? That's not what I-"

"Sure, humans may have made those kind of movies back before they discovered Mass Effect, but that doesn't mean that we're going to do anything like that, and krogans should especially not do that."

"I'm not talking about sex, turian!" Wrex sighed. "Fine. Don't listen to this old fossil. Just you wait until you jump the gun."

"Whatever, Wrex!" Garrus turned back around to continue scrubbing the mako. "Did we really get hit by lava on Therum? These look like scorch marks."

"It could just be missile fire." Ashley answered.

"Missile fire is a little different. It makes a kind of triangle effect with one line stretched out to form part of a circle. This is a wavy pattern of sorts with a few circles and droplets around it."

"Just scrub it off, Vakarian." Ashley finished with the windows and hopped off of the mako. However, her sponge slipped out of her hand, smacking Garrus's mandible. The turian began to spit as the soap began to contaminate his saliva.

"Big mistake, Williams!" Garrus grabbed the sponge and threw it back at Ashley, hitting her square in the chest. Her shirt had a large wet spot where the sponge hit, and she was thankful she was wearing a bra. Otherwise, that would've been too awkward.

Wrex shook his head. "So it begins."

Upstairs in the mess hall, Zach was having a chat with Kaidan and Jake about what they should do for dinner. There were a few ideas on what to make from their rations, but it was tough to decide on what to eat. Jake wanted lasagna, Kaidan was in the mood for meatloaf, and Zach felt like spaghetti. All three meals required the use of the last ground beef, but there was no decision on what to use it for.

"I still say we could make lasagna." Jake spoke. "We have the sauce, noodles, meat, and everything."

"Yeah, but I really want to make my mother's signature meatloaf." Kaidan argued. "She made the best meatloaf on Earth with this signature family recipe."

"Come on, guys." Zach laughed. "Spaghetti is a good compromise for this. You could make meatballs using your mother's recipe, and Jake gets something with noodles and sauce."

"The recipe only works for meatloaf, unfortunately."

"Why don't we ask the crew." Jake pointed out. "At least the rest of the levos on the ship."

"Well go ahead, Jake." Zach smiled.

"What? But I was just suggesting it!"

"Exactly. So go ahead and go to the cargo bay. I'm sure the rest of them went down to there."

"Fine. But be prepared to hear them all say lasagna." Jake stood up from the table and headed to the elevator. Kaidan watched him as he walked away from the elevator.

"So, he's a lot like you." Kaidan said.

"And a bit like Stark." Zach added.

"What makes you say that?"

"Back on the asteroid, he captured a batarian who was trying to escape as we rescued the hostages. He was so violent and harsh towards him. The batarian set him off because he knew about one of Jake's past missions."

"You mean his 'sole-survivor' mission I heard about?"

"Yeah. He told me about a mission on Jartar that ended with the death of his team. He's still grieving."

"Damn. I never knew about that. Do you think he'll be okay?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't talked to him since Councillor Sparatus contacted me a few hours ago."

"What'd he want to say?"

"Stark got kidnapped."

"What?"

"Yeah. It surprised me, too. The council believes that batarian extremists kidnapped him outside his apartment. The videos showed two batarians outside his apartment, and they took him away after knocking him out with something. Apparently, he was also investigating on Calypso, who has been making a push in the galactic market."

"Why investigate them?"

"Stark's paranoid. It was one of the side effects of his meltdown. He has gotten better over time, but he's still not the same person he was before."

"I know. No one's ever the same once they break. They may look the same, and they might act the same, but something is always different."

Zach looked down, knowing how much of the truth that was.

Jake knew it, too. He was no stranger to that topic. Jartar had definitely changed him, but he hasn't really told Zach how changed he was. He looked at his wrist, covered by the hoodie he had been wearing ever since coming aboard the Normandy. He needed to tell Zach about it eventually. He might have had a better way of coping than he did.

"Hey, guys." Jake began speaking as the elevator doors dropped. "We're trying to decide what to make for dinner. Do you guys want-" He stopped talking when he saw what was going on at the mako.

Garrus and Liara were throwing sponges at each other while Ashley was cleaning up under the mako. Puddles were forming around the vehicle from buckets on the ground. There was soap all over the mako, and the three of them were laughing.

"What's going on?" Jake asked, hearing Tali ask the same question next to him. Jake turned to face her and saw her glowing eyes locked on him with as much confusion as he had. "You don't know?" They continued. "I just got here."

"We were washing the mako, guys." Garrus answered. "It was Liara's idea. Ashley decided to pitch in."

"I did not, however," Ashley yelled. "volunteer to clean underneath the mako! Do you know how dirty the axels are? I've wiped them down twice and haven't even removed half of the grime built on there!"

"Do you guys want to lend a hand?" Liara asked.

"Actually, I was just about to work on some of the circuitry inside the vehicle." Tali answered. "There were a few hardware issues Shepard notified me about. I need to get things sorted out for our next mission."

"I thought I took care of that already." Garrus murmured.

"And I only came down here to ask for what you guys want for dinner."Jake shrugged. "Do you guys want lasagna, meatloaf, or spaghetti?"

"Spaghetti!" Ashley yelled.

"I feel like trying out lasagna." Liara decided.

Jake turned towards Wrex. "What about you, big guy?"

Wrex grunted. "Meatloaf. Make sure there's plenty."

"Damn. It's still a tie." Jake shook his head. "Well, maybe Joker can help us decide on what we'll eat. You guys might want to clean up your mess, though."

"Yeah, yeah. We'll get to it." Garrus waved. "Don't you worry."

Jake walked back to the elevator and shook his head as the door closed. _This'll be something to tell Zach about._

"Pardon me." Tali walked around Garrus and opened the mako door to get into the vehicle.

"You might want to close that door, Tali." Wrex warned. "Let Garrus finish his work."

"Don't worry, Wrex. He can work around me." Tali began to work on opening the panel to the controls to work on the wires within.

"Uh-oh." Wrex whispered.

A few minutes after Jake had left the cargo bay, Zach and Kaidan had begun to pull out the stuff needed to make something for dinner. Jake had told them that there was still a tie on what to make for dinner, so he was going to ask Joker what he wanted to break the tie. Nevertheless, the two of them had pulled out bowls, pots, pans, and trays to prepare for whatever meal they were about to feast on.

"So, how much do you actually know about Jake?" Kaidan asked.

"His father is my uncle on my mother's side, his mother is the XO of the Kilimanjaro, and he survived a similar mission that left him the only one alive. That caused some unresolved feelings towards batarians and probably Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"No soldier who experienced that would be without it. Uh, no offense, Commander."

Zach chuckled. "None taken."

Jake walked back over to the two of them with a frown. "Well, asking Joker to break the tie probably wasn't a good idea."

"Why's that?" Zach asked.

"Because he sided with Kaidan. Meatloaf is on the menu."

"Congratulations, Kaidan. You get to make your mom's homemade meatloaf for dinner tonight. Make sure there's plenty for all."

"Aye, aye, sir." Kaidan smiled. "Now, I'm going to need some space to make plenty of meatloaf for all with what we have. So that means we can't have anything distracting me whatsoever."

A loud noise could be heard from below, and the ship seemed to rock for a second.

"Joker!" Zach yelled to the intercom. "What happened?"

_"Something happened in the cargo bay. I can't seem to figure out what's going on."_

"Are we under attack?"

_"No. The grid is clear. You might want to get down to the cargo bay and investigate."_

"Tali said she needed to work on fixing wires in the mako." Jake noted. "Garrus and Liara were washing the mako with Ashley. Maybe something happened."

"Oh, spirits, ancestors, Goddess, and Lord!" Zach quoted frantically as he ran to the elevator. Jake and Kaidan followed after, reaching the elevator before the doors closed. The elevator began its slow descent.

"Damn it! This is the _worst _time for the elevator to screw us over!" Jake summoned his omni-tool and hacked the panel to move faster. Two seconds later, the elevator dropped down to the cargo bay, stumbling the three occupants inside. As soon as the doors opened, they jumped outside to a strange site.

There was a biotic barrier around the hangar door that was being held by Wrex, the gun on the mako was smoking from its recent use, Ashley was crawling out of underneath the mako with her arms covered in oil and grime, Garrus and Liara were frozen in place all wet from the soap and water they were using to wash the mako, and Tali was leaning out the door grasping her helmet; a large watermark on the front of her mask in the shape of a sponge.

"What the hell happened, guys?" Zach asked, confusion and frustration surrounding his words.

Wrex dropped the barrier with the danger having passed. "Shepard, they jumped the gun."

"What does that mean?"

"It happens on Tuchunka all the time. Someone gets the idea to wash a tomkah, then they start becoming careless. The engineer goes to fix something but leaves the door open, giving anyone the chance to distract him or her with a major disruption that ends with destruction of property and/or accountable losses depending on who's in front of the cannon."

"Wrex calls it 'jumping the gun.'" Garrus responded. "We figured he was using it as a sexual term."

"Only you would think up of dirty ways to talk using weapons, Vakarian." Wrex laughed.

"So give me the playback. What happened?"

Ashley rubbed a rag along her arm to try and remove the grime on it. "I was cleaning underneath the mako when it happened. You have no idea how filthy the axels were."

Garrus cleared his throat. "Liara and I started washing the mako as a way to contribute to the crew a little more, and during the whole thing Ashley had thrown a sponge at my mandible."

"And so you guys had a sponge fight." Zach spoke seriously, pointing at the wet marks on Ashley's and Liara's shirts.

"We had stopped for a bit around the time Tali came over to fix the wires inside the mako. Apparently, I forgot about those during calibrations."

"And then you hit her in the face with a sponge."

"Actually, that was me." Liara confessed. "I was trying to get back at Garrus pouring a bucket of water on me."

Zach looked at Tali. "Can you back that up?"

"Yeah." Tali nodded. "I had just fixed the wires that had shorted out during our final encounter with X57's defenses. I guess in the process I turned on the mako, and then, well..." Tali looked up so Zach could see the watermark on her mask. "You know the rest."

Zach began to walk towards her, picking up a clean rag off of the floor in the process. He stopped inches away from her face as he brought the rag up to her face, wiping off the soap and water until her purple mask shined in the dimness of the room.

"Better?" Zach asked, calmer than he was before.

"Better." Tali nodded, smiling behind the helmet that parted her from the rest of the galaxy.

"Okay. Garrus, Liara, and Ashley will clean up their mess. Wrex, nice job keeping this ship from falling apart. You'll get some extra meatloaf tonight."

Wrex laughed triumphantly. "I can already taste victory."

"With his taste buds, he might think his victory is disgusting." Ashley whispered, gaining a few snickers from Garrus and Liara.

"Wrex, make sure they get their job done before dinner." Zach smirked. "Kaidan, fire up the oven. Tali, take a break. You work too much. Jake, fix our elevator."

"That's easy." Jake pressed a few buttons on his omni-tool. "There we go." The three if them hopped on the elevator, which thankfully moved without any issues.

"Okay, this isn't salarian boot camp." Wrex barked. "Get this docking bay back into shape."

Wrex sat back as the three who washed the mako grumbled, mopping up their mess from their little misadventure.

This was definitely a story Wrex would tell his future kids about.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So that concludes this little one-shot I whipped up just for you guys. A round of applause for Bud89 for suggesting I do this. I hope he enjoys it.

Now for those who follow up on my main story Mass Effect: Resolution, I am pleased to say that I will be returning to work on the next chapter, which will continue off from this quick project. For that chapter, you will learn more about my second Shepard onboard the Normandy, Jake, and might I say, he is definitely like his cousin Commander Zach Shepard.

For those of you who don't read my regular story, be sure to check out that story in order to get what I'm talking about. Plus if you like a good read that takes a canon/non-canon approach at the Mass Effect series with plenty of action, character development, and mystery, that's the place. And if that's not enough to convince you, you'll definitely like it if you're a Talimancer.

Now for those who actually follow everything I do on the site, thank you for reading. Your actions will be recorded in the histories of the 9th Platoon.


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